Returning to Work With a Three-Month-Old: Why It Worked for our family

I returned to work in January after having a baby in mid-October. In the UK, that’s considered very soon. I’m aware that even reading that sentence can bring up a mix of reactions. Discomfort. Concern. Maybe judgement. It doesn’t sit comfortably with our collective idea of what early motherhood should look like.

For me, though, it felt right. Not because it was easy, or something I’d always planned to do, but because we were doing it in a way that felt considered, supported and, crucially, shared.

The big difference for us, and the reason I was able to return to work, was that my husband started his paternity leave. His company offers 18 weeks at full pay, which still feels remarkable to say out loud. Not because it should be extraordinary, but because it so rarely is.

This has been a total game changer for our family. I’ve been able to return to work and continue building my online therapy business Pear, which was still in its infancy when I became pregnant, while knowing that my actual baby is being cared for by someone who is just as qualified as I am to give him all the love and care he needs.

I mostly work from home, so my days are threaded with small, grounding moments. Cuddles between calls. Feeding him when I can (he’s combi-fed). Hearing his familiar sounds from the next room. I’m present in a way that feels real, even while working. And I haven’t had to sacrifice the momentum I’d built over the past year, something that mattered deeply to me.

What I didn’t expect was how much this shift would change our relationship.

Parenting now feels genuinely shared. We’ve both lived the reality of being the working parent and the full-time caregiving parent. Empathy grows when responsibility is shared, and that’s been profoundly true for us. Resentment has softened. Assumptions have fallen away. We’re no longer keeping score, because we understand how consuming both roles can be.

I also feel grateful that my husband never once questioned taking this time off, and that his company doesn’t just list extended paternity leave as a benefit, but actively encourages men to take it. Too often, generous policies exist neatly on paper while culture quietly discourages their use. Men are supported in principle, but expected to return quickly, while women absorb the longer-term impact at home.

Over Christmas, we had some fascinating conversations with the older generation about our setup. There was genuine confusion.

“But what about your job, Charlie?”

“Aren’t you worried someone will take it while you’re away?”

Questions I’ve never once been asked.

There were also comments like, “Daddy day care is stepping in,” which made me pause. Have you ever heard the phrase “mummy day care”? I haven’t either.

We still talk about fathers caring for their own children as though they’re helping out, rather than simply parenting. And while I’m very aware of how fortunate we are, I don’t think this should feel like luck. Why do our systems still assume that one parent will stretch themselves emotionally and professionally, while the other remains largely untouched?

I often find myself wishing the UK would move closer to a Scandinavian approach, where families are given a shared pool of parental leave and decide how to divide it, with a meaningful portion reserved for fathers. Not as a progressive extra, but as a baseline expectation.

Working in therapy has made me acutely aware of how much early parenthood asks of us emotionally. Identity shifts. Relationship changes. Guilt. Overwhelm.

Living through this period has only reinforced that understanding. Not because anything is broken, but because so much is changing at once. Having space to talk, to think, and to make sense of those shifts can be the difference between feeling alone in it all and feeling supported through it.

Tallie Hopkins is the co-founder of Pear, a therapist-client pairing platform designed to support people through life’s transitions, including the emotional shifts of parenthood. Find out more information at www.ilovepear.com | Follow them on Instagram